When You Just Don't Know

There are days when you just don't know what to do about challenges and hardships. Today is one of those days for me.

Just as Isaiah laid down in the grass, I felt the same way in my heart. I was laying down inside of my mind, inside of my heart, and throwing in the towel.

The work is too hard, too long...I need a rest, a break.

I would much rather have it all figured out and ironed out; I would rather be past one specific problem than have to face it every day. "I can't do this. I can't do this, God." That was what I was saying, through tears, today.

As I took a walk with the boys, I sang the song "Change My Heart Oh God," because I know that part of the problem is mine. My heart and mind and spirit are in desperate need of the Living God - of the Holy Spirit to come and fill me up more and more. I need less of the selfishness and more of selflessness; I need less of pride and more of humility.

When I come up against my challenges, I want to be able to say - whole hearted - "Father forgive them they don't know what they are doing," "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," "I am pressed but not crushed, persecuted but not abandoned..." I want more of Christ in me - the Hope of Glory.
Have Your way, God - let that be my heart's cry as I endure through the rest of this day and the days to come.

"Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62