Raising Boys: Part 3

     What was God thinking when he created the heart of a boy - the heart of a man? What were His intentions? How did He fashion them to think and act and speak - to live?

     In Part 2, I chose to look at Jesus. Now, I am choosing to go to the beginning of the Bible. The first two boys to be born are Cain (first born) and Abel - the children of Adam and Eve. Those who are already familiar with their lives may wonder why I am looking here, but I will share that soon - trust me, please.

     "Adam made love to his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. She said, 'With the help of the LORD I have brought forth a man.' Later she gave birth to his brother Abel. Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the LORD, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. Then the LORD said to Cain, 'Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast?' Now Cain said to his brother Abel, 'Let's go out to the field.' While they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him." (Genesis 4:1-8)

     The word that stands out most to me is COMPETITION. Since boys already, naturally, are inclined to compete - taking risks and doing death, defying acts - how much more will two or three or four do in the same family? Isn't it enough that they are surrounded by other boys/men in society - no, they also can be surrounded by them in their own family.

     Now, this is a great thing IF it is used and nurtured in a righteous manner. Boys have their dad as their first role model - not a competitor until later in life. A brother, on the other hand, can prove to be great competition.

     We know that every person, male or female, is uniquely made - likes, talents, dreams, strengths, and weaknesses. In the case of Cain and Abel, they both did different things. Cain was in the business of working the soil, and Abel was in the business of working the flocks - two very different areas of work. They had strengths; they had weaknesses.

     What happened in their family that the competition led Cain to kill Abel? Why did their relationship, as brothers, not reach a place of working together rather than working against each other? What was it that was more pleasing to God - in Abel verses Cain? Chuck Smith helped shed some light on that part of their sad happening.

     "In Hebrews, we are told that by faith Abel offered a more excellent sacrifice than Cain, so the problem with Cain was that his was not of faith, whereas Abel's sacrifice was one of faith. That's the basic difference: one believing God and trusting God, the other not believing. Thus all of the sacrifices you may make without faith are worthless. The faith was the quality that made Abel's sacrifice acceptable unto God."

     Faith - that is what it was about with God. The heart matters to God more than anything else, and He can always see it - unlike humans. God is guided by His decisions based on our heart's response. That can be good news to some, and in this case with Cain, it was not so good. It could have been if Cain was willing to surrender to God's discipline and guidance. It was Cain's choice, yet he chose to take things into his own hands. He suffered the consequences the rest of his life.

     As parents of boys, we need to gleam from the lives of these men. We need to understand the need to nurture faith values in the family - entrusting each child to God, everyday. We cannot become complacent in asking God for His protection and provision over their lives. Wisdom and discernment, as parents, also must be top on that list; if we do not have that, then we will not know how to handle daily situations brought our way.

     On the note of competition, let us be about encouraging and uplifting each child for their strengths. Helping them see the strengths in others as a good thing and not a threatening thing will help them with their own confidence. Feeling threatened must be something we have on our radar as we observe their words and actions.

     Developing their hearts and minds in righteousness starts with us and overflows into them. When we are walking in humility, encouragement, trust, faith, and love - so will they. Things of God are too good to pass up. If we don't, they won't.

     How humbling to know that raising boys is bigger than our own ability, yet, how encouraging that God knew that before He placed them in our care.

     Stay tuned for more to come...

     Be blessed and endure. Christ's return is nearing. May God give you all strength and grace to overcome - wisdom and discernment.

    For fun, an excerpt from "Bringing Up Boys" by Doctor James Dobson: "They are men in training. Their aggressive nature is designed for a purpose. It prepares them for the 'provision and protection' roles to come...not to resent or try to eliminate the aggressive and excitable nature that can be so irritating. That temperament is part of the divine plan. Celebrate it. Enjoy it. Thank God for it. But also understand that it needs to be shaped, molded, and 'civilized.'"